Everyone knows there’s no one size fits all guide to living our lives and there’s plenty of information and opinions on how best to do this. In recent years, there has also been a real push for self-reflection, possibly to the point of over-analysis. There’s no way of escaping the fact that life happens and life is to be experienced. With this in mind, there are only a few useful things I’ve realised through time and unfortunate circumstances, which I hope I can pass on without any intention of being preachy or self-righteous. Just helpful!

Having been reminded of the fragility of life and realising that longevity is far from guaranteed, I’ve had to rethink how I approach life in order to maximise every moment. Or most of them at least. We all know there are some that can’t be saved! In light of this, I’ve recently come to realise that my perfectionist personality, is far from being an attribute that enriches my life, but actually quite an affliction.  I now see it as a burden I’m shaking free from.

Part of the process of shaking off perfectionism is allowing yourself to let go; to be unburdened by your own cripplingly high standards or others’ opinions of you. People have opinions and you can’t control these. It’s an impossible task! It’s allowing yourself to make mistakes, to accept that you too have limits, and to, dare I say it, acknowledge your own successes.

This however, is easier to type than to instantly achieve.  As I’m also discovering, perfectionism can’t instantly be erased It’s a gradual process. But making a start is all that matters. When those unhelpful tendencies creep in, as they often do, having the awareness to consciously stop yourself and to move on feels strange, but also freeing. It’s empowering to take control in that moment and to focus on something more meaningful and productive than the futile pursuit of perfection. It’s really just acceptance of yourself and embracing all of life’s intricacies and imperfections. It’s only with hindsight that I realise my mum was a master at this. While she liked everything to be in order, she actively avoided perfection. She saw no beauty or value in it. Life’s imperfections were more alluring and comforting. It was this part of her personality that people felt an affinity with. They gravitated towards her and were immediately at ease around her. In the absence of perfectionism, she lived comfortably in the moment and enjoyed everything it had to offer.  It afforded her the ability not to take life too seriously, and this along with her endless warmth of character and kindness is what she’ll be remembered for. That, I think, is so much greater than attempting to live life perfectly.  It’s living life to the full; freely and unincumbered. At the end of the day that’s what we all should strive to do because life, as we all know, is far too short to live any other way!

Through a period of reasonably continual tough times, I quickly came to the realisation that self-pity is exhausting and all consuming. When the going gets tough it can be tempting to wallow in unfortunate circumstances, as this can seem easier than wading through. I know how the simplest of tasks can seem like the greatest of endeavours when catastrophe strikes.  You can ask why me? as many times as you wish, but you’re highly unlikely to ever get an answer. I’ve come to realise that to be going somewhere you have to be looking forward and pushing in that direction. It’s not always easy, but forward momentum is all you need. Bad days are bad days, and like everything they pass. Time immemorial has taught us that.  A new day brings a new dawn; a blank canvas and an opportunity to start afresh. As much as possible, don’t spend your life looking in the rear-view mirror. Hope and optimism will take you a lot further, a lot faster if you allow them.

As far as possible, I remind myself what I’m grateful for and how fortunate I am to have these things in my life. Not something I consciously used to do, but realising how everything can change in an instant, it’s a really grounding and humbling thing to give a moment’s thought to, every once in a while. You’ll quickly come to realise that no matter how tough you think you’ve got it, you’re actually quite lucky. Maybe it’s your children, your pet or the roof above your head. There will be something to make your heart swell and your head lift.